Ben Schuster

Concious Uncoupling

Ending a relationship is difficult. But when done with respect and in a way that enables both people to maintain their dignity, it is easier for everyone involved.

“Concious Uncoupling” means to seperate in a way that allows both people to live “happily ever after”, without destroying each other in the process of seperating.

While this sounds good in theory, in practice it is very difficult as even a “good” seperation is very challenging. There are simply so many little things that can go wrong which derail what started out as an amicable process.

I support couples or individuals to move through the process of seperation in a way that is respectful and peaceful. This is especially worth considering if you have children, or shared friendship groups or work interests.

A new way to seperate

Good intentions are not enough

Again and again I hear from couples that decided to seperate and said they would “stay friends” or at least not “fight”, but then somehow lost their way.

This is not suprising, as

  • the injuries of the past,
  • the misunderstandings,
  • the lost dreams and hurts,
  • the broken agreements and
  • general overwhelm

very quickly derail the process and spiral into a cycle of blame and conflict. Each person is suffering in their own way and its easy to blame the other person.

Unfortunately it is usually the children who suffer the most in separations.

Concious uncoupling - seperating on good terms

Conscious uncoupling is a term made famous by Kathrin Woodward-Thomas – shows us a way that when couples get support, a relationship can be ended and shifted into a new form that enables both people to move on without destroying what was once so beautiful, and enables healthy co-parenting, or work relationships to exist after the end of the relationship.

How I can support you

I help couples to manage this painful process of separation in a way that maintains respect for each other. Through helping both partners to heal their hurts and hearts, and let go of negative feelings, a space develops for a new post relationship way of relating to each other which is carried by mutual respect.

Common Questions

Ideally both partners do this process together, however sometimes this is not possible. Yet even when one partner decides to seperate in a respectful and peaceful way, it changes the dynamic and makes the process easier for everyone involved.

Yes definetly. The moment one or both of you starts to take responsibility for your part in the conflict, the dynamic can shift. This is possible even if a few years have passed since the seperation
Yes – Concious Uncoupling from Kathryn Woodwrd-Thomas – it should be available in your preferred online book store.

No not necessarily.  Sessions can be done individually, or together depending on your current siuation. Sometimes it helps to do individual sessions and then to come together once conflict has deescalated.