EFT-Couples Therapy in Innsbruck
Admitting that your relationship needs help is difficult - but it is the first step toward healing and improvement.
Most couples wait too long before seeking support. They hope things will work themselves out - but that rarely happens. Instead, small disappointments accumulate, the bond starts to weaken, until suddenly something dramatic occurs: an affair, thoughts of separation, or the sense of being stuck in a “dead” relationship.
It doesn’t have to get that far.
Every couple falls into negative cycles at some point—but these patterns can be recognized and changed.
Negative relationship patterns:
Where is your relationship stuck?
All couples experience conflict. The topics may differ, but often there is an underlying negative dynamic that causes the connection to be lost – and it can feel as if the other person is the problem or no longer cares.
Pattern 1: Who is to blame? Attack / Attack
Symptom: You argue constantly, and even small things turn into big discussions.
Typical conversation:
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“You never help around the house. I’m tired of cleaning up after you and having to do everything.”
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“You never see what I do. You don’t appreciate how much I work. Without my income, you wouldn’t even have a house to clean!”
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“You have no idea how much work it is to be with the kids every day!”
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“And you have no idea how…”
Where this leads:
This pattern is exhausting. The constant accusations and counterattacks create tension, so even in calm moments you remain on edge and cautious.
Over time, one partner usually withdraws – and that often marks the beginning of the second negative pattern.
Pattern 2: Criticize / Defend or
Pursue / Withdraw
Symptom: You both feel misunderstood, and neither speaking up nor staying silent seems to help.
Typical conversation:
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“The problem in our relationship is that he never communicates. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say or how I say it – I just don’t get a response.”
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“She always criticizes me. It doesn’t matter what I do – whether I speak or stay quiet, it’s never right. It’s never good enough. The problem is that you can never please her, and she’s always so emotional.”
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“I feel alone. As if we’re just living side by side. I try to get him to respond to me. But even when he talks to me, I don’t feel that he’s really there.”
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“She’s so emotional. The smallest thing – and she explodes. I just shut down and walk away, hoping she’ll eventually calm down.”
Where this leads:
When this pattern goes on long enough, the pursuing partner usually gives up at some point – and that often leads to the third negative pattern.
Pattern 3: Withdraw / Withdraw or Cold War
Symptom: You share a house, but no longer a relationship. There are hardly any conflicts – couples often even make sarcastic jokes about it – yet inwardly, both have given up trying to build true closeness.
Typical conversation:
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“I used to try to initiate sex. But it’s too hard to be constantly rejected. I’ve given up. Maybe that’s just how it is in long-term relationships – in the end, you’re just living side by side.”
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“It’s not that I’m not interested in sex. But with kids, work, and household chores, I’m constantly exhausted. We never have time. It feels like we’re strangers living in the same house. He doesn’t look at me that way anymore. I feel like a mother, but not like a wife.”
Where this leads:
This pattern can last for years and creates the breeding ground for an affair or a sudden breakup when someone realizes they want something different.
Often, it is the men who are surprised when their partner suddenly leaves – after all, there were hardly any conflicts, and outwardly, everything seemed “fine.”
Getting your relationship back on track
The focus of couples therapy is to identify and break negative dynamics, manage your relationship triggers more effectively, and reconnect with each other – even if you continue to disagree on difficult issues.
None of you is “crazy” – even if it sometimes feels that way. Your emotional reactions are closely connected and make sense from an attachment theory perspective.
Attachment theory shows: When our connection to the people closest to us is threatened, we usually respond in one of two ways – either we attack or seek closeness, or we withdraw to protect ourselves.
This is completely normal attachment behavior – and exactly why so many couples get stuck in their patterns.
The good news: This dynamic can be changed. And this is not just a promise – hundreds of studies show that Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) leads to lasting, positive changes.
More information on the three phases of EFT can be found below.
Phase 1: De-escalation of Conflict
You will learn to break the negative cycle of conflict, recognize how you trigger each other, understand the role each of you plays in this pattern, and how to calm yourself and rebuild your self-esteem.
By the end of this phase, you will feel that your relationship problems make sense and that there is a way forward – and that you are both back on the same side rather than against each other.
Phase 2: Deepening the Connection
Once safety in your relationship is restored, we begin to explore deeper wounds and issues that stand between you. The goal is to heal these hurts and strengthen your emotional connection.
By the end of this phase, you will feel closer to each other, trust will have returned, and even the major wounds in your relationship will feel more manageable – you no longer carry them alone.
Phase 3: Consolidation and Further Development
You integrate the new way of relating into your daily life, develop a shared vision for your future, and make difficult decisions based on connection and emotional stability.
FAQs
How Does Couples Counseling Work? Emotion-focused couples counseling is based on attachment theory. Attachment theory states that we need strong connections with other people in order to feel safe, loved, and happy. When these bonds are threatened, we become stressed and often react in unusual ways — typically either trying to restore the connection through demands or withdrawing. Couples counseling helps you better understand and manage these stress patterns and work toward rebuilding a healthy bond with each other. When the attachment is strong, couples can have very intense discussions about difficult topics or spend time pursuing their own interests, while both partners continue to feel safe and loved in the relationship.
How Long Is Each Session? A typical couples counseling session lasts 80–90 minutes.
Does My Insurance Cover the Costs? Some private health insurance plans cover the costs of couples counseling. However, most do not. Please contact your insurance provider for details.
How Often Do Couples Counseling Sessions Take Place? A good rhythm for couples counseling is one session every two weeks. At the beginning of counseling, sessions are often held weekly until conflicts have de-escalated. In later stages, the interval can be longer, sometimes every 3–4 weeks, or it can be adjusted according to the needs and wishes of the couple. If you live further away from Innsbruck, we can adapt the frequency of sessions to suit your situation.
Is There a Difference Between Couples Counseling and Couples Therapy? The terms are generally used interchangeably, depending on the qualifications of the counselor or therapist. In practice, what matters much more is the type of counseling or therapy offered, the level of training and experience, and whether you feel that the therapist or counselor is a good fit for you.
What If We’re Not Stuck in a Conflict Pattern, but Need Help with a Difficult Decision or Sensitive Topic? Many topics in a relationship are hard to discuss because important decisions or differing opinions can trigger strong emotions. Emotion-focused couples counseling helps you have these conversations, understand the underlying dynamics, and stay emotionally connected even when you disagree. In my experience, the issue is rarely the difference itself — it’s whether we feel seen and understood in our differences.
What Does Couples Therapy Cost? Please refer to the “Appointments” page on my website for current prices. In general, a couples therapy process includes between 6 and 20, or even 30 sessions over a period of 3 to 18 months to achieve lasting positive change in your relationship.
How Can I Tell if a Couples Therapist Is a Good Fit for Us? The best way to find out if someone is a good fit is to schedule a first session. If you feel understood (not judged or blamed!) and if the therapist recognizes the negative relationship patterns and has a plan to help you move forward, the chances are good that they are a good fit. It’s important, of course, that both partners feel this way for the counseling to be successful.
How Many Sessions Will We Need? There is no standard answer, as it depends entirely on your individual situation. You can expect around 6 to 30 sessions, depending on the goals you have for your relationship, your history, and how quickly you are able to find new ways of interacting emotionally with each other.
Do You Also Offer Online Sessions? No, my couples therapy sessions take place in my practice in Innsbruck. However, if I work with a couple over a longer period and online sessions are necessary due to travel conditions, these can be conducted via Zoom.
How Can I Schedule an Appointment? Please visit my Appointments page and read the conditions for working with couples carefully. If you are ready to accept the necessary waiting time and both partners are committed to working on the relationship and completing the preparation tasks, please send your appointment request as described on the page.
What If One of Us Is Very Unstable or Has a Mental Health Condition? In such cases, it is especially important to clarify the individual situation carefully. Couples therapy can be helpful, but sometimes individual treatment or additional professional support is advisable first. Please discuss this openly in the first session so that we can find the best approach for you together.